Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Thinking of the future

Before Mike and I got engaged, I would look at my left ring finger and wonder what it would look like down the road. What would my ring look like? Would it look good on my finger? Would it fit right? Would I like it? Sometimes I would hold my hand out and think "Be patient. Enjoy this time. Enjoy this time where you don't have to wear any jewelry." I had never worn jewelry consistently before - I would wear a fashion ring for a few months and then ditch it for something else or for nothing at all. I wasn't sure I would like always wearing something on my left hand.

Before we got Milly I would look around the condo and wonder what life would be like with a dog. Surely there would be dog hair tumbleweeds all about, as I'm not the greatest housekeeper. Would our dog be a boy or a girl? How big would she be? Where would she like to sit? What would she look like? Would she like to cuddle and sit on our laps? Would she be good at playing fetch? Would she like me or Mike more (answer: Mike! He must be the alpha) What kind of dogparents would Mike and I be? And then I would think to enjoy this time where we don't have to vacuum up dog hair, pick up poo, walk a dog that is not very good at heeling. Enjoy our freedom.

Now I walk around our condo and wonder what our future looks like. What will this room look like in a few years? How will we balance our lives? What changes will be made? And I think to enjoy the freedoms we have - that we can take Dog to the kennel or any one of our friends at a moment's notice to head off on an adventure. That I can take a run whenever I want, stop at the grocery on the way home. Simple things that make me happy. I think enjoy, enjoy, enjoy what we have.

But then I also remember how scared I was that we wouldn't get engaged, how scared I was that Milly would be a rotten dog and a horrible decision, or that she would never stop peeing on the floor. And now I think of how scared I am of maybe our life never following the path we want it to, never being able to make certain changes.

And I repeat to myself, "Enjoy. Enjoy what you have. " And I get down on the floor and play with Milly and she licks my hand because I just ate a slice of cheese, and she looks at me like licking cheesy hands is the best thing in the world. And I think of Mike coming home tomorrow for good, rejoining our daily routine. And I enjoy.


Mich said...

Well said. It is so easy to worry and not enjoy. Congrats on getting Team Knowles back together.